This blog that I am starting isn't really meant to be a thing that people are going to be reading, I've really just created it so I can have somewhere to go when things get too tough. I have a boyfriend, two kids, and a pretend happy life. Money is tight, happiness is thin, and promises are hitting the ground daily.
I want to be in this relationship, but I don't know how to stay here, and stay sane at the same time. I entered this relationship believing that I had a man in my life who loved and respected me for who I am, but I have come to learn that the man in my life feels I'm not "woman" enough for marriage. I don't do the womanly things well enough.
I have never lived in a clean home, my parents are borderline hoarders, and it kills me that he feels his house should be spotless, day in and day out. I don't like to clean, and what I do, I do my best at it. It kills me to feel that it isn't enough for him. My hands in dishwater three times a day, every day, really sucks. My fingernails are so soft that if I simply bump my hand on something, the nails break.
I raise our two boys, with his amazing support. He is the man in our home who brings home all the bacon. Not the literal bacon, that would be me. I do the grocery shopping. He brings home the figurative bacon. He is our soul provider, he makes all of the money that we have. He has a great job, a company that is just another branch of our family. It just kills me that he feels that is all he needs to do. I am expected to do everything else that involves the house. All of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, bill paying, all that stuff.
I just don't know how to find the strength, or the know-how to make things work between us. I don't give up easily, but I just don't know how this will work for forever.
He is my forever.
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