I do not understand his logic when it comes to mornings. He works an earlier shift, from 6:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m., but he is not a morning person. When he wakes up, he wakes me up to ask me to help get him ready for work. I guess I should feel some prode that my man wants my help, but to me I feel like a mother to another child that I need to get ready for school.
I get clean socks and underwear for him, I also have to prep a luch for him, and if I'm in the general vicinity of the coffeemaker, he asks if I can start his coffee too!!! The most frustrating part of making his coffee for him is that we have a Keurig so all he has to do is put in a k-cup and press a button!!! To him, he feels that I should just be waking up and starting my day when he wakes up, but my day starts later than his, I'm usually waking up at 8:00 a.m., and I'm going to bed around 11:00 p.m.
I also am frustrated by his bad attitude that he seems to have each morning. He wakes up and there's always something to be complaining about...... Dirty dishes, laundry, cleaning and tidying in general. It puts me in a bad mood, then he complains about me being in a bad mood!!! Never going to win with him around in the mornings. It feels so frustrating, then it starts to hurt.
I wake up so I can help him, I don't wake up to start arguing with him. How do I deal with his attifue and not make him more upset?
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
The beginning of opening up...
This blog that I am starting isn't really meant to be a thing that people are going to be reading, I've really just created it so I can have somewhere to go when things get too tough. I have a boyfriend, two kids, and a pretend happy life. Money is tight, happiness is thin, and promises are hitting the ground daily.
I want to be in this relationship, but I don't know how to stay here, and stay sane at the same time. I entered this relationship believing that I had a man in my life who loved and respected me for who I am, but I have come to learn that the man in my life feels I'm not "woman" enough for marriage. I don't do the womanly things well enough.
I have never lived in a clean home, my parents are borderline hoarders, and it kills me that he feels his house should be spotless, day in and day out. I don't like to clean, and what I do, I do my best at it. It kills me to feel that it isn't enough for him. My hands in dishwater three times a day, every day, really sucks. My fingernails are so soft that if I simply bump my hand on something, the nails break.
I raise our two boys, with his amazing support. He is the man in our home who brings home all the bacon. Not the literal bacon, that would be me. I do the grocery shopping. He brings home the figurative bacon. He is our soul provider, he makes all of the money that we have. He has a great job, a company that is just another branch of our family. It just kills me that he feels that is all he needs to do. I am expected to do everything else that involves the house. All of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, bill paying, all that stuff.
I just don't know how to find the strength, or the know-how to make things work between us. I don't give up easily, but I just don't know how this will work for forever.
He is my forever.
I want to be in this relationship, but I don't know how to stay here, and stay sane at the same time. I entered this relationship believing that I had a man in my life who loved and respected me for who I am, but I have come to learn that the man in my life feels I'm not "woman" enough for marriage. I don't do the womanly things well enough.
I have never lived in a clean home, my parents are borderline hoarders, and it kills me that he feels his house should be spotless, day in and day out. I don't like to clean, and what I do, I do my best at it. It kills me to feel that it isn't enough for him. My hands in dishwater three times a day, every day, really sucks. My fingernails are so soft that if I simply bump my hand on something, the nails break.
I raise our two boys, with his amazing support. He is the man in our home who brings home all the bacon. Not the literal bacon, that would be me. I do the grocery shopping. He brings home the figurative bacon. He is our soul provider, he makes all of the money that we have. He has a great job, a company that is just another branch of our family. It just kills me that he feels that is all he needs to do. I am expected to do everything else that involves the house. All of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, bill paying, all that stuff.
I just don't know how to find the strength, or the know-how to make things work between us. I don't give up easily, but I just don't know how this will work for forever.
He is my forever.
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