ARRRRGHGAVADKFJOIEWFJFAEFAFAGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that it is fairly safe to say that I am in a bad mood today. No matter what I do to try to calm down, it's just not working. I bet you can guess that most of my bad mood stems from one person and one person alone. The boyfriend. I understand that he works full time, technically more than full time, but I don't feel that it justifies his feelings toward EVERYTHING.

All I am asking for is one friggin hour of tv tonight. ONE HOUR! Apparently that is just toooooooo much to ask for, especially considering the fact that he NEVER gets to watch tv, OR play video games. It's BALONEY. He has been playing this damned game for over two weeks now! I guess the only thing that bothers me is the fact that I am asking for one hour every Wednesday night, and he can't give that to me.

It makes me feel like the work I do is for nothing. NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

It's been a while

I can't even remember how long it's been since putting my thoughts in this little computer of mine! So here goes....

I am sooooooo stressed out about Christmas, shopping, and getting into the holiday season. The boys and I walked over to the produce stand today so that we could look at the Christmas trees before buying them when Colin gets paid, and were blown away. The tree that I want is $56.00!!! I remember going to Chubby & Tubby's and getting a tree with my mom and dad for only $20.00.

I am also hand making almost every gift for my friends and family, which I started way too close to Christmas that I don't think that I am going to be done in time. I need to finish my afghan for Dottie, and all the other gifts for the kiddos, including two more afghans!!!

I also decided last minute that I am going to join this years Just Between Friends sale so that I can get rid of all the extra toys the boys have. That way I can make space for all the new CRAP the boys will be getting this year. I just need to go through the toys, organize and package them, then make tags, print tags, stick them on the toys, and bring them to the church to sell them. After a $10.00 fee is taken out, I will receive 60% of the money made from the sale of my belongings.

I am excited for the holidays though, for the first time in a couple of years!

In over my head

Holy cow, I think I've bitten off more than I can chew! I just want to get this house clean and organized, but doing all of it ALL at once is probably too much to handle. Well, I know that it's too much to handle.

I decided that the boy finally need a real bedroom, one that isn't filled with Grandpa's things, and unsafe stuff. I started this project yesterday and have it almost completely finished, the only thing left is the top shelf, which is full of all of Grandma and Grandpa's knick knacks. I also need to get the two computer towers out of there, they belong to Colin and I.

The other tasks that I am working on are my regular duties, laundry, kitchen, and the rest of the house. I also have to sort and organize the stuff that I took out of the bedroom. I just want my home to make sense to me, I am so tired of clutter, I lived with it long enough at my parent's house, I don't want it any more.

I would also like to sort and organize the closet in the dining room, my goal is to make more space in there so I can take some of the linens out of the coset in our room, and have some space for our stuff. Our bedroom is so crowded with mostly linens and clothes that have no "home".

Same with the pantry, it is full of crap. Tons of tupperware, broken kitchen appliances, and old pots and pans that haven't been used in years, at least as long as my Grandma's been gone, if not longer. I know that the stuff in this house is my Grandparent's, but I have permission from Grandpa to clean, organize, and get rid of things.

The ONLY problem, is that I've started ALL of these projects all at once and now my house is trashed. Clothes everywhere, messy kitchen, messy living room. It looks like a tornado and blown through the inside of my house. Now Colin is pissed. The house is so trashed that it is really getting on his nerves. He wants the house clean and is angry that it isn't.

Oh well, enough of a rant for the day. Time to get positive.

King Tutankhamun

Holy Cow, today was amazing!!! My mom, sister, Amber and I went to the King Tut exhibit at the Pacific Science Center today. It was truly amazing!

I so enjoyed seeing all of the artifacts and reading all about each item, and what they meant to that time on Earth. The jewelry is so elaborate, and beautiful. I can't even describe to you how beautiful they all were. The beadwork, the stones, the engraved items, the gold, oh the gold. It was all so beautiful.

One of the things we saw was an inner chamber for one of the queen pharohs, it was made of cedar. It was also 3500 years (ish) old!!! It was still intact, so ornate, so beautiful.

Then, after the exhibit, we got lunch at the way OVERCROWDED Alderwood Mall, and Romano's Macaroni Grill. Yum-o!!! Everything was so tasty, and now that I'm stuffed on all that food, and have done tons of walking today, they boys are going to bed, and I'm going to veg out and not do anything!!!

A month of thanks!

11/1/2012 - Today I am thankful for the friends that have filled my home and , like always, have brought smiles with them. Today is a great day.

11/2/2012 - Today I am thankful for a home full of wonderful healthy food to feed our family. I'm also thankful for ice cream on sale!!!

11/3/2012 - Today I am thankful for my boyfriend, who woke up early, and told me to sleep in. He also let me take a nap with the boys. Today was great!

11/4/2012 - Today I am thankful for Sunday mornings, sharing our king sized bed with the boys, watching videos, and cuddling. Today. Is. Good.

11/5/2012 - Today I am thankful for payday. Bills will be paid today and there's no stress for the rest of this month.... 50 shopping days until Christmas, that's a whole new stress factor for me!

11/6/2012 - Today I am thankful for John Bradley, who no matter how impatient, frustrated, or angy I get, he still loves me. He is so sweet and always loving, even if you do him wrong, you are still loved. Brown-eyed baby boy, you are an angel in disguise!!!

‎11/7/2012 - Today I am thankful for my cousins. All of them, but today I am especially thankful for my cousin Kristina, who loves life. No matter what comes her way, she is always pushing through. She is such a motivator for me, and I am truly proud to have her in my life! HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRIS!!!!!!

11/8/2012 - Today I am thankful for the McDonalds playplace, and Grama Cindy. The boys and I had such a great time at lunch today! Almost 3 hours in McD's eating, playing, and catching up. Today. Is. Great.

11/9/2012 - Today I am thankful for Bones. Nuff said. I just watched the episode in Season 2 where Brennan and Hodgins were buried alive. TOTAL TEAR JERKER!!!! I'm also thankful for The roof over my head. It is so cold outside and I am blessed to have a roof to keep me dry and walls to keep me warm.

11/10/2012 - Today I am thankful for all the people in this world that have a true desire to keep our history intact. Going to the King Tut exhibit today was a serious eye opener, the jewelry, the woodwork, stonework, all of it. It was so beautiful. Thank you mommy for taking me to see it!!! Jessica, Amber, Denice, soooooo much fun!!!

11/11/2012 - Todday I am thankful for PEACE AND QUIET!!! I actually get to watch my own tv, instead of the laptop. Yay!!!

11/12/2012 - Today I am thankful for my Grandpa Floyd, you are my hero, and an inspiration! I am also thankful for my auntie's Emily and Linda, happy birthday to you both! I love you!

11/13/2012 - Today I am thankful for the roof over my head. I really am blessed that I have a family that has been able to help me when I truly needed it. Thank you family! You are the best.

11/14/2012 - Today I am thankful for the ability to put my kids in their bedroom, and make them go to bed on their own. Nuff said.

11/15/2012 - Today I am thankful for my children having their own room. They have been so good, playing all morning, laughing, and having a blast. Life. Is. Good.

11/16/2012 - Today I am thankful for sleep, 11 hours last night!!! Completely uninterrupted, and deep peaceful sleep. I felt so good, and had great energy all day. Now it's time to work on all kiddo's Christmas gifts and watch more Bones! On season 3, almost to the end.

11/17/2012 - Today I am thankful for Geek Chic. They have kept Colin working for 2.5 years now. Thanks to them, we have the ability to have food on our table every night. We also have the ability to spend a little money here and there on the fun stuff as well.

11/18/2012 - Today I am thankful for ice cream cake, balloons, justin bieber, and family. I had so much fun at my little cousin Jordynne's 3rd b-day party today. She is just one of the most beautiful little girls I have ever known, and I really enjoyed watching ALL the kiddos running around and dancing all over the place. Burgandy and Brandon, you guys have a really nice home! Can't wait to visit again!!!

11/19/2012 - Today I am thankful for my fireplace. I know that there are a lot of people out there that have no electricity or any way of heating their homes. So I am really truly blessed that I can wake up and keep my house nice and warm all day long.

11/20/2012 - Yeasterday I was thankful for my mommy and daddy. After two weeks of an obnoxious video game, I finally went and had dinner with my parents. It was nice hanging out at Taco Time, eating, laughing, and having a good time!

11/21/2012 - Today I am thankful for coffee.

11/22/2012 - Today I am thankful for being alive. Being alive has given me the opportunity to get to know and love all of my friends, family, and others along the way.

11/23/2012 - Today i am thankful for Colin, who watched the boys so i could black friday shop with Jessica and pAmber. who will also watch them at 5 am while im back at walmart getting more stuff. you rock babe!

11/24/2012 - Today I am thankful for lazy Saturdays. I will spend ALL DAY doing nothing except sitting on my butt with my babies watching documentary after documentary and working on all of the Christmas presents that I'm slacking on. I can already feel that it's going to be a good day today!

11/25/2012 - Today I am thankful that the weekend is over. I love to cook, but I hate cooking breakfast. Tomorrow, the boys and I will have cereal. I enjoy making dinners, but I would love for SOMEONE ELSE to make me breakfast.

11/26/2012 - Today I am thankful for cable. WEE monday night raw, dwts, and a Wrangler commercial with ♥ Brett Favre ♥ and ♥ Jeff Gordon ♥ Life. Is. Good.

Is it okay to start stressing out now?

51 shopping days until Christmas. 51, can you believe it?! I am starting to freak out about it!!! I need to get gifts for a butt ton of kids, including my own. Then there's the adults that we need to get gifts for. I just can't figure out how I am supposed to do that. Money is so friggin' tight, yet I want to make the holidays fun for us.

That's why I am working on making as many gifts as I possibly can. Right now I'm working on a "hooded infinity scarf" for my cousin Liliana, and I think that I'm going to make another one for my other younger cousin Arionna. For the boys; Alex, David, and Damien, I'd like to make a couple of fleece blankets. While going through a bunch of my grandmother's fabric in one of her closets I found a bunch of fleece in solid colors and I'm going to find some basic designs on sale to add some spunk to the blankets. Aside from them, that leaves Kaleyla, Jordynne, and William on my side that we need to take care of.

On Colin's side there his two nieces; Sierra and Savanna, and all of his cousins; Tyler, Austyne, Zander, Payton, Cameron, and Hunter. 6 kids I'm really not interested in getting/making/giving/buying gifts for. I really can not stand them, I really feel like they are just a bunch of inconsiderate disrespectful brats who don't care about anything or anyone that comes in their path. But I will figure something out for them. If the infinity scarves work out for Lili and Arionna, I'll make a couple of those, maybe for Sierra, Savanah, and Austyne. Possibly a b\unch of fleece planket for the boys, and maybe I'll personalize the blankets. That way the boys can't steal them and claim them as their own.

What I do know is that my kiddos will have an awesome holiday season. I really want to enjoy it this year. It always gets down to holiday time, and I am the grinch. I don't want to celebrate or do anything. I want it to be different this year.

I'm also not going to celebrate the boy's birthdays this year, either. I've decided that I'm going to wait until the summer and have one hell of a party for the both of them. On their real birthdays we will do something small with my parents and sister, some cake, ice cream, and presents. But I want to wait until the summer when all the kids can be running around outside, bbq food, I can have more money to plan it, and more time.

The month of December has become a very busy month for us. December 3, Danielle's birthday. December 5, My birthday, David's birthday. December 22, John's birthday, Arionna's birthday. December 24, Christmas eve at Aunt Carol's. December 25, Christmas day at my place, and DeVera family get together. Sometime around December 8 Sarah is having baby #3.

How on earth am I supposed to plan a birthday party when Danielle has the first weekend for David, the third weekend for Arionna, the fourth weekend for Christmas, that just leaves the second weekend for me. I am so tired of not having any time during my holiday time to play with my family. I am going to take that time to be with them. I will wait until we have time and we have money to make a party that everyone will love and remember.

As for my feelings for the holiday season as of right this minute...... BAH FREAKIN' HUMBUG!!!

Good morning!!!

It's a good morning as I sit here drinking my coffee with my peppermint creamer in it. The boyfriend woke up nice and early and I couldn't sleep without him in bed, so I got up too. I've already done most of the laundry, well got it sorted and folded at least. Now I'm on the laptop doing some typing and helping the man walk through his videogame, Borderlands.

I feel like today is going to be a good day. We are starting our not spring cleaning this weekend. There are a lot of things that we are trying to get done so that we can make our house a little more of a home to us. This is my grandparent's house, my pops lives about 30 miles north of here with his girlfriend and we have been living here taking care of the house.

We have been trying to make all of our stuff fit in here as well as all of my grandparent's stuff too. so we have been cleaning and organizing. Today is the day!!!

Let's git'r'done!!!!!

Happy November! Not really.

Today freakin' sucks! Yesterday was going so well, then the boyfriend came home, brought in the mail, then my day got ruined. We got a letter in the mail from DSHS, printed out on October 27th, stating that on October 31st, our benefits are going to end. How can they do that? Send something out so late in the month, which gave me absolutely no time to fix the problem. So on the 31st I get this paper and I'm supposed to to do what? I got the dang paper at 4 in the evening and DSHS closes at 2:30.

Oh well, I guess that first thing this morning I will be spending all my time on hold, waiting to get this all taken care of. I have nothing in my house for my family to eat. I have less than a gallon of milk, almost no bread, a little bit of chicken (maybe one meal, two tops), and that's about it. How on earth am I supposed to take care of my family that way? My family is the most important thing in my \life, and not being able to provide for them is just plain killing me. I can't even get a job, I would make just enough money to pay for childcare, so I would just be working to pay for my kids to be somewhere else. Why not just not make money and have them here with me?

I will figure this out. I will make this work. I always make things work. Somehow.